


I’m Not Broken

by Wolfcry22



Series: Shame [29]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Angels, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Blood and Injury, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel Needs Help (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel is So Done (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs to Use Actual Words, Dean Winchester Whump, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Emotionally Hurt Dean Winchester, Feels, Frustrated Castiel (Supernatural), Guardian Angels, Heaven, Hurt Castiel (Supernatural), Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Overprotective Dean Winchester, Pain, Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Sad Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Sick Castiel (Supernatural), Slow Build Castiel/Dean Winchester, Strong Castiel (Supernatural), War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 04:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30134244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolfcry22/pseuds/Wolfcry22
Summary: The war with Heaven is a real struggle for Castiel. Dean wants to help and doesn’t know what to do (Based on a scene from the TV show Shameless)
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Shame [29]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883236
Kudos: 23





	I’m Not Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This story is going to be a little more Castiel centric since he’s my favorite character and I find that he and me are quite similar. Also please don’t spoil the final season anywhere in the comments if you decide to comment on this story. I haven’t watched it yet and I have a weird thing about not liking to watch the last season of things so that it’s not really over to me (quite strange but that is what happens when you have a special interest and fear anything distrusting the routine you have of watching it everyday and knowing it won’t come back for another season. Gotta love being on the autism spectrum) 
> 
> This follows season 5 episode 12 when Ian breaks up with Mickey. I wanted to do a slight parallel with Ian being Castiel and Mickey being Dean. Their personalities are a little different but I could still see how the were similar. This is a very deep and darker piece so please be aware.
> 
> Anyway thank you for following my tiny disclaimer and I hope you all enjoy! 
> 
> Minor warning for brief strong lasagne and talk of injuries as well as potentially triggering themes.

Dean couldn’t believe when he had gotten the call from his brother that Castiel had just shown up randomly in their motel room. The first thought Dean had experienced was wondering if the angel was hurt. He was aware there was shit going down in heaven and that Castiel had little power over any of it. That didn’t stop Dean from worrying when the angel was out of his sights. He wasn’t about to admit to anything yet, but he was relieved to know that he had come out of hiding for at least a little bit.

Dean threw the Impala into park outside their motel room, not even bothering to check and see if she was in between the lines. He flung the door open and ripped the keys from the ignition. Heart beating like mad in his chest, Dean reached out a trembling hand and opened the door. There he found Castiel sitting on the bed closest to the door that Dean had chosen for himself. His clothes were tattered and bloody, hanging loosely against the angel’s torso. A long, jagged scar was visible along Castiel’s collarbone. The color had drained from his face, reminding Dean of the vengeful spirts that he and his brother would often put to rest.

Sam, who was leaning against the wall with one foot picked up behind him to rest against it, gave Dean a tiny nod. The elder Winchester rushed over and immediately tipped his head up to whisper in his brother’s ear. “What the hell happened? He just show up here?” 

“Basically. One minute I was doing research and the next he was about ready to pass out at the end of your bed. It was the strangest thing,” Sam hissed back.

Dean stole a look back and saw that Castiel was pulling at the cuffs of his trench coat to mop up some of the still trickling blood that oozed down his arm. His attention seemed to be anywhere but on Sam and Dean. In fact it was unclear whether or not Castiel even realized that they were there. 

“Did he say anything?”

“I think he may have said something in Enochian, but it could’ve been incoherent mumbling too. It’s a little hard to distinguish.”

That was almost nothing for Dean to go off of. He let out a sigh as he stepped back, pinching the bridge of his nose in a show of exasperation. “Okay, okay, we’ll figure this out, let’s see here.....” Whatever the angel had been through was not likely to be shared with Sam in the room. Dean didn’t like sending his brother away, yet he knew that he and Castiel had a special bond and that would make him the perfect and maybe only person that Castiel was likely to talk to. With Sam there Castiel would be guarded at best if he even spoke at all. It wasn’t the perfect solution to any of the problems, yet it still had to be done. 

“Sammy, do you think you could give Cas and I a couple minutes,” Dean requested. 

Sam raised an eyebrow momentarily before seeming to realize that this was what was best for all parties involved. “Yeah, sure, I’ll go pick up some food. Have good luck with.....that.” Sam eyed Castiel warily as he pocketed his wallet and took the keys from Dean. He tried giving Castiel the smallest of waves only for Castiel to either completely ignore him or miss the cue entirely.

Sam didn’t take it to heart as he left the room rather stiffly, leaving the awkward conversation for his brother to deal with. Dean had always been better with dealing with Castiel anyway and that may have been since Castiel always looked to him when he was scared or confused. Dean could be gentle when he wanted and often didn’t leave the angel hanging. Even when it would’ve been hilarious if he did. 

Once Sam left and Dean was able to mentally prepare for whatever conversation he was about to have to Castiel, the experienced hunter crept forward. He tried to keep in Castiel’s line of sight even if he was looking directly at him. That last thing that either needed was to spook the other and lead to a whole host of new problems to contend with.

“Cas,” Dean began once he had reached the foot of the bed. He rested one hand on the foot of the bed, patiently waiting for any reaction from Castiel that was good or bad. “Cas, do you mind if I sit down?” 

Castiel’s eyes darted back and forth from Sam’s bed to his lap. His fingers were still rubbing at his reddened and bloody wrists while his lips parted to speak only to be pressed back into a tight line so that no sound could be forced out. It was odd behavior even for Castiel and it sent foreboding chills down Dean’s spine. 

So much for just having a simple conversation.

Dean cleared his throat, slowly lowering himself down on the foot of the bed as far from Castiel as he could muster while still being on the bed. He kept his movements slow and hands always visible as though Castiel was a creature that he would hunt instead of his friend. 

“Cas, I need you to give me something here. I’ve been worried about you. Where have you been,” Dean questioned softly.

Roving eyes suddenly intensified when they finally met Dean’s irises. A telltale tilt of the head was one of the only ways that Dean was sure this was still Castiel that was sitting in front of him. “I’ve been fighting for heaven. Where else would I have been?”

Castiel spoke the words with such conviction and bewilderment that Dean would dare question it. There weren’t many things that left Dean speechless, but this was clearly one of them. 

“I-I don’t know,” Dean stammered apprehensively. A sickening feeling stirred in his stomach like a ten pound ball of lead. “I knew that you went all radio silent on us and—“ 

“Us,” interrupted Castiel pointedly, head swiveling back and forth. He braced his shoulders back and let out a breath through parted lips. “Dean, I was staying silent from you.” 

Okay....that was new. 

“Me? Er, Cas, I’m not following. You’re going to have to explain a little bit more.”

Castiel brought up a trembling hand and ran his through his disheveled hair. Tendrils of blood ran down the tips of Castiel’s fingers and left a smear of crimson against his raven locks. Castiel appeared to oblivious to it as he scratched a hand over his forehead to wipe some of the sweat and dirt away. “The fight is taking longer than I anticipated.”

Dean nodded timidly. “I guess I can understand that a little with hunting and all. It’s not nearly what you’re doing. Is this something that is going to go on for much longer do you think?” 

A sudden jarring cough shook Castiel’s shoulders and a splatter of blood fell from his lips. 

Dean’s blood went cold and he was immediately reminded of the trip that Castiel took him and Sam on back in time and had slumped against a car on the sidewalk with blood dripping from his lips while he lay cold and unmoving. That had arguably been one of the scariest moments in Dean’s recent memory and he had no desire to relive any of that.

“Cas, you need to lay back and let me see,” Dean instructed, jumping right back into caretaker move. Sure, he did the same with Sam, but with Castiel......it was just different. 

Dean began to reach forward and pulled the sides of Castiel’s trench coat from his sides. There he saw that his white button down undershirt was drenched through in blood that stuck to his flesh while pieces of dangling skin were visible through some of the tears. His injuries were much more extensive than Dean originally anticipated.

He touched two fingers to Castiel’s side and Castiel immediately shoved him off, jumping to his feet. He swept his trench coat around himself to disguise the wounds from Dean’s prying eyes and began to stagger back, feet tripping and faltering over each other. A sickly sheen appeared on Castiel’s cheeks as blood now ran freely from his nose and corner of his mouth, turning his teeth pink. 

“Cas, you need to sit down before you fall down.” Dean rose to his feet and stretched out his arms in a display of calmness, trying to steer the angel back to one of the two beds. Dead weight was much harder to maneuver than someone who was conscious and Dean would rather work with Castiel now while he was awake rather than passed out cold on the floor. 

Castiel didn’t appear to listening to him. “You want me to stop fighting?”

“Look at yourself! You can barely stand, let alone fight. Do you really think that your other feathered friends actually care about you standing up for them? I hate to be a dick about this, but I’m going to go with no.” Dean licked his lips, weight shifting from one leg to another, ready in case Castiel couldn’t support his own weight anymore. “I don’t want to watch you dwindle to nothing. What’s going to happen if something happens to you? There will be absolutely nothing that I can do. Is this really what you want for yourself?” 

Castiel took in each and every word that Dean spoke. His head rotated almost on a swivel, looking to the ceiling one moment and falling back to look to his shoes the next. The longer he stood the weaker he appeared. His movements was spastic and random, hands swiping through the air without any reason behind their movements. 

Taking a deep breath, Dean took another step forward. With his free hand he brought out a bandana and clutched it in a tight fist. Invading Castiel’s personal space might be perceived as a threat and would make things much more complicated for both of them. Still, Dean couldn’t allow the angel to suffer. 

“You won’t help me.” 

The broken quality to Castiel’s words made Dean stop dead in his tracks. He had heard the angel sound angry and sullen before. However this was very different. “I don’t know how to help you. I can’t get involved and you know that. I want to and I want you to be safe more than anything else. Shit, Cas, I care about you damnit!”

Suddenly jarred by this defeated revelation Dean had just made to him, Castiel used it to stand taller. “You used to care about me,” he corrected fiercely, liquid welling in the corners of his eyes and turning them glazed over. “Now you don’t even know who I am! You never knew who I was.” Castiel tipped back and was barely able to catch himself on the heels of his feet before he tipped backwards. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” 

“Cas, you’re really starting to freak me the fuck out here.” 

“You don’t owe me anything,” Castiel broke in before Dean could ponder anymore of his own thoughts. “Why I thought this would work I don’t know. Just stupid. Stupid!”

Dean shuffled forward, thankful that years of hunting training had taught him how to stalk forward silently without being noticed. If he could just get to Castiel before he did anything then perhaps he could get him sitting where he could think clearly while he dealt with his wounds. Why Castiel’s grace hadn’t healed him yet, Dean wasn’t sure. That probably wasn’t helping things now that he thought about it. 

“I care about you, Cas,” Dean repeated. This wasn’t a conversation that he felt comfortable having, not even a little, but if it kept Castiel engaged then that was all that mattered. He had done plenty worse stupid shit to distract Sam over the years and when they were kids. Hopefully the same thing would work with an angel.

Castiel eyes hardened. He let out another ragged cough, body shaking with the force from it. Even more blood spilled from both nostrils and began to collect and dry on his upper lip. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that you’re part of this group, this family. We look after each other, just as Sam and I look after each other. It doesn’t matter what happens we will get through it. You just have to let us in and not when you’re nearly a bloody pulp in some seedy motel room. Because this.....” Dean vaguely motioned in Castiel’s direction. “Isn’t helping anything.”

Castiel grimaced and Dean couldn’t decide whether or not it was from what he had just said or plain discomfort. Either way it didn’t seem that Castiel was fully aware of what his facial muscles were doing. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand. You’re not an angel, just a mere human. Quite useless if you ask me.” 

Dean didn’t become offended easily and now certainly wasn’t the time for it either. Although, this was one of the times that it sometimes sucked that Castiel wasn’t as aware of the nuances of social interaction at times. Unfortunately, this seemed to be taking it a step too far even for them. 

“What the hell is wrong with you,” Dean asked slightly abashed. This wasn’t the Castiel that he remembered and cared about; this seemed to be a shell of him if that.

“Too much!” Castiel’s head gave a violent twitch to the side with a stray tear rolling down his face. He didn’t bother to wipe it away as he let out another pitiful choking cough before turning wide eyes back to the one man that he couldn’t imagine losing. “Too much is wrong with me. That’s the problem, isn’t it? Too much is wrong with me and you can’t do anything about that. You can’t change it. You can’t fix me because I’m not broken. I don’t need to be fixed, okay? I’m me!”

Dean’s heart fluttered in his chest. “Cas.” 

Suddenly, Castiel’s knees buckled and he would’ve face planted if not for Dean’s hunter reflexes. He reached forward and caught Castiel around the shoulders, stumbling under the sudden awkward weight that landed slightly sprawled on Dean’s forearm. 

“Okay, okay, easy,” Dean grunted as he lowered down onto his knees with his back yowling in protest. He turned onto his right hip, legs sprawled in front of him while he used the downward momentum to keep Castiel flat against his chest so that he didn’t hit his head from side to side. A truly unconscious Castiel was not what Dean was looking for.

Once they were sitting with Dean’s legs sprawled out to the side and Castiel completely limp against him, Dean fought to wrap his bicep around Castiel’s trembling chest to press the bandana against his lips. Castiel gave another bubbling cough that sent another spray of blood from Castiel’s mouth with Dean there to wipe it away with the gentlest of touches. Stubble brushed against the back of Dean’s fingers and a shiver pulsed through his entire body. Any other instance this may have led to something. Now was, unfortunately, not the time. 

Dean folded the bandana half-hazard and dabbed a corner against the undersides of Castiel’s nostrils and then a nick below his hairline. “What am I going to do with you?” Castiel’s body gave another shudder with his eyes blinking in horror, memory from the moments before replaced by shock. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

Castiel didn’t move, limbs still hanging limp. The fingers on his right hand tapped lightly against Dean’s jean covered knee. “Did you mean what you said?” 

“What?” Dean leaned forward. Part of the reason was that Castiel’s normally gravely voice was even hoarser than usual and it was almost impossible to understand him. The other part was something more selfish.

Castiel licked his lips, smearing a line of blood onto his upper lip. “Did you mean what you say about caring about me?”

“Yeah, man, I wasn’t lying. I wouldn’t lie about that.” Dean may not know what or why he was feeling the way that he was, but that didn’t stop him from at least trying to experience it. There was no telling when either one of them would feel this open and vulnerable again. 

Castiel gave a tiny nod with his head rested against Dean’s chest with his eyes fluttering closed. “Okay. I was just wondering.”

Dean snorted in amusement. Vaguely he remembered leaning forward so that his chin was rested on the crown of Castiel’s head and tension completely diffused between them.

They would be okay so long as they had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to everyone who read and I hope you are staying safe and healthy!


End file.
